Sports Pro Central

It’s playoff time douchebags.  I got two playoff pools to submit before midnight, so let’s get at it! Last year I chose 11/15 series right, but I will improve.  A bunch of easy series in round 1 makes it doable.  Here we go:

San Jose (1) vs. Anaheim (8) - Quick exit for the Ducks.  A team with aging vets like Nied, Giggy, Pronger and Selanne.  Yeah, I know.  Getzlaf, Perry and Ryan.  Big deal.  Sharks have Pavelski, Setoguchi and Clowe.  Now compare vets against vets.  SJ wins.  Ducks have a dreadful PK, which SJ will pick apart and Anaheim was an average team for 3/4 of the season.  Their main man Giggy had another inconsistent year and was among the worst starting goalies out of all teams.  If they go with Hiller, he’ll get shell-shocked and will beg to remain a backup. SJ has no weaknesses.  They might lose to the Wings further in the playoffs, but not now. San Jose in 5

Detroit (2) vs. Columbus (7) - Like Anaheim, the BJs had a hot 2nd half, while riding the backs of a no-name goalie and Nash.  Who else is on Columbus?  Who knows.  One forward and one goalie will not get you far in the playoffs.  The Jackets have the worst PP in the league at around 12%.  That’s a hit rate of 1 goal per 8 chances.  The Wings’ PK isn’t great either, but all you have to do is stop Nash.  Have fun trying to beat Detroit even strength.  The Wings forwards and d-men are awesome as usual, but their goalies?  Osgood and Conklin.  Meh.  Pretty shabby, but should be enough to get by Columbus.  I’ll give the BJs one game at home, since they have awesomely loud fans.  Detroit in 5

Vancouver (3) vs. St. Louis (6) - Another easy series.  The Blues are hot…. red hot.  I’m too lazy to check schedules, but the Blues must be one of the best (if not best) teams in the past few months.  The have a solid duo of youngsters Boyes and Backes…. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU PRONOUNCE HIS NAME ANYWAY?…. with some vets like grisly Tkachuk and Andy McDick still plugging away points when they’re healthy  Surprisingly, St. Louis’ goals, goals against and special teams hold up well to the Nucks.  Quite close.  So what’s the hold up?  Two things.  The Blues have been playing over their head squeaking out wins and they’re goalie is not proven.  He bombed out big time last time he made it.  Luongo is Godly.  No doubt, he looks like a greaseball asshole and has a humongous nose, but when you combine him with two solid scoring lines with twin dicks the Sedins, Sundin and Demitra making two duos, lots of fire power.  Vancouver in 5

Calgary (4) vs. Chicago (5) - Finally, a tough series to call.  The Flamers fucked me up last year.  I went against the grain and chose them to beat the Sharks in 7, but SJ won it in 7. Like the Canucks, I choose Calgary mainly to goaltending.  Despite Kipper playing a little worse the last few years, he’s still a more consistent and better goalie than Habby and Huet.  Habby is among the most inconsistent goalies in the past 10-15 years and Huet has been average at best this year.  Chicago is too young and like the Senators every year, they seem like a team that will do well in the reg season, but will be dick-shit when it really counts.  I doubt Toews and Kane make it far.  I might be wrong and they’ll get by Calgary, but doubt it.  I have a feeling Calgary will play a tough game and plaster any young speedster on Chicago.  Look out!  Stretchers might be coming! Calgary in 6

Boston (1) vs. Montreal (8) - On paper, I don’t think the Habs are better at anything.  In fact, they probably get destroyed by the Bruins.  Boston even ended the season on a hot streak.  Montreal doomed to the golf course and back allies of Chez Paree?  No.  There is something about every Bruins playoffs for the past 30 years that is destined for failure…. especially against Montreal.  There’s something about Montreal’s wormy, wimpy and wirey players which Boston can never defeat.  Who knows.  Maybe it’s all that Atlantic fish crap Boston people eat or steroid injected chicken Montrealers plow through at St. Huberts. Maybe it’s the annoying French commentators screaming “Et…. Le But!  Oooh-la-la!”  Statistically and analytically, I have zero on this series.  This is all based on gut feeling and history.  Montreal in 7

Washington (2) vs. New York Rangers (7) - Apply for instant credit ASAP and max it out with your bookie.  If desperate, put the money down on a god-awful Pro-Line ticket.  Washington in a sweep.  Next!  The Rangers have Lundqvist.  That is all.  As usual, their roster is full of underachieving, overpaid and aging players.  Laughably bad.  Scott Gomez, his agent…. Markus Naslund and his agent must be frolicky in fancy foursomes as they suckered management into paying high salaries for 2nd line players (at most).  Hey, how’s Wade Redden doing?  Make that a fivesome…. a bed-riding sixer if you add his agent.  Washington has a weakness.  Mediocre goaltending.  Theodore is a joke, but like the Wings have such strong forwards and d-men, it overpowers almost everyone.  Ovechy, Semin, Backstrom, Laich, Green vs. Gomez, Drury, Naslund, Zherdev, Roszival.  Uhhhh…. yeah, that’s a hard pick.  Washington in 4

New Jersey (3) vs. Carolina (6) - A fucking hard series to pick.  They match up very well.  Brodeur is always solid.  Should be a no-brainer against Cam Ward right?  Wrong. Ward has been awesome.  He’s also an underrated goalie.  Like Tim Thomas, gets little respect.  Ward is burned because he plays for the Canes.  A team with zero coverage and historically bad defence.  I consider them a wash at this point.  Ward reminds me of Vokoun.  Solid goalie burned with mediocre d-men every year.  I go with the Devils due to their better depth.  Yeah, Carolina has Staal, Brindy and Whitney, Corvo.  But their supporting cast of Samsonov, Ruutu and Cullen I don’t trust.  I’d give the nod to 2nd and 3rd liners on New Jersey like Rolston, Madden and Zajac.  And these guys come after their guns: Parise, Elias and Langyboy.  New Jersey in 7

Pittsburgh (4) vs. Philadelphia (5) - Another mind-fucking series to pick.  At least before I pick, I know that dive-happy Crosby has finally realized he’s been humbled.  He’s a good player, but overhyped and overpromoted.  Malkin is better.  Ovechkin is better.  Zetterberg is better.  Kovalchuk is better.  Crosby has realized he’s not in the highlight reels so much anymore, so he’s been throwing some hits and getting in some fistacuffs… too bad it’s against weaklings as bad as him.  To be honest, those Sedin twins seem just as good when I watch them on NHL Centre Ice. Another statistically close series with the exception of Philly’s much superior PP. That gives them a small edge, but Pitt has two things going for them - Malkin and Crosby.  That’s it.  Their supporting cast is awful.  Their d-men are bad.  Gonchar doesn’t seem the same.  Fleury as always is overrated.  Biron and Nitty are no worse.  Philly has two solid forward lines. Carter, Richards, Briere and Gagne with good support in Hartnell, Knuble and Lupul.  Pitt’s second tier cast of Sykora and Staal are both inconsistent and often invisible.  Take it from me.  I had Sykora in a pool and he did zero in the last 2 months.  But you say Kunitz and Guerin!  Two more flame-outs who had a few lucky games. Philadelphia in 6