Sports Pro Central

Buh-Bye Senators! Not only did I successfully predict them being swept no problem by the Pens a week ago, but how about some post-mortem analysis why the Sens suck?

1. A cursed city. I hate to repeat myself time and time again, but yet again the city proves itself sports losers. The team has shaky support for sports teams in general, but when it’s blessed with a competitive hockey team for over 10 years and keeps flaming out, time to lump yourself in with the Buffalo Bills. It’s like the team wants to lose so they can go golfing asap!

2. Crash landing. The only time I can remember a team starting the season so hot (15 wins vs. 2 losses) was the Penguins in the early 90s going something like 12-0. I don’t remember the exact record, but I do remember betting a Pro-line ticket on them and losing, since those assholes lost to the Blues. Bad fucking timing and $10 down the tubes. After the Sens’ hot start, they ended up being 28-29-8. Not even a .500 team the rest of the way.

They were Stanley Cup runners-up last year. This year, they squeaked into the playoffs on the final weekend of the regular season and got blanked 4 straight. Not much worse than that. Sure there are teams that have done worse and missed the playoffs after a solid season before, but Ottawa’s situation wasn’t much better.

3. Same roster. Compared to last season, Ottawa’s skaters, coaches and goalies were virtually the same. Should be similar performance right? Nope. The only noticeable difference between rosters going into the playoffs were the 2-for-2 trade at the deadline (Corvo/Eaves for Commodore/Stillman). Basically a swap of 2nd/3rd liners. The rest is the same.

4. Useless experience. So much for years and years of experience. Some people value experience as an important part of sports, I don’t. If it’s so important, then the oldest team in any league should always contend for championships….. yeah right that happens in real life. However, for purists out there who do care for experience, it obviously showed zero value for Ottawa. Some of these losers have been getting ousted in the first or second round for 10 years and still it doesn’t improve. The Pens best players are a bunch of 20 year olds like Crosby, Malkin, Fleury, Staal and some no-name 4th liners. And they handily showed Ottawa’s vets they suck over and over again.

5. Shit coach. Bryan Murray is a chronic loser. As I said in a previous post, he’s a good regular season coach, but a terrible playoff coach. Aside from his Cup run last year, his teams always choke early in the playoffs no matter how good his team is. Loser coaching spreads to loser players spreads to losing performances. I personally believe with confidence, nobody on the bench understands anything he mumbles. There’s one reason for the bomb-out. HAHAHA!

6. Alfredsson chokes again. Partly injured? Sure. Does that mean you have to suck? No. Gary Roberts was injured for most of the season, came back as a 42 year old fogie whose best years were 15 years ago, but destroyed the Sens in game 1. That’s heart and soul. Alfie comes back and does nothing himself, doesn’t affect his linemates in any way and doesn’t inspire his other teammates what so ever. So much for leadership.

7. Inconsistent play. Aside from the hot start-cold shower season, the players themselves are a laugh. All season, the goaltending was criticized as the key reason why the team did worse than last year. But Gerber was probably the best player on the team in the playoffs! Where was the offence and defence for these measly 4 games? Those no-name guys like Kennedy, Talbot and Laraque played better than Ottawa’s top players!

8. LAUGHABLE GLADIATOR INTRO. I will forever kick myself for missing this intro. I met my buddies to watch the game at a sports bar, but got there just as the cronie was ending. With all the ruckus in the bar, I couldn’t even hear the last sentence he shouted. Damn myself for not getting there 5 minutes earlier! I watched the full youtube video of it and laughed myself silly. More funny impressions here and here. I can’t believe the team actually spent time and money on this with the players agreeing to go along for the ride. Shows where their priorities are. Players line up, the CBC camera crew is organized to follow the action, and a flabby guy reading the speech from the inside of his shield using a mic that barely works is arguably the funniest playoff gimmick I’ve ever seen!

9. Inspirational mural for the opposition. When CBC showed Ottawa had the nerve to upstage the Pens by plastering a photo of last years handshaking by the Pens locker room, what are they trying to do? I guess they’re thinking the Pens will feel demotivated and simply follow last years loss to Ottawa. Hmmmmm……. It’s game 3 in Ottawa, the Pens are up 2-0 in games already, have dominated play all series and this will affect them negatively some how? What smart thinking!

10. High salaries down the drain. The team pays a lot of guys top dollar. Heatley, Spezza, Alfie, Redden, Phillips, two goalies worth $2-3 million each, and likely more. Yet the team has done zero in the playoffs. Some people laugh at the Yankees and Red Sox, but at least they win championships here and there lately. You can lump the Sens with the Dodgers, Mets and New York Rangers…. actually at least the Rangers won in 1994 when a real leader - Mark Messier - lead the team to victory.