Sports Pro Central

I couldn’t believe my eyes when all the key headlines on my favourite sports page - ESPN - involved complete idiocy. I know what you’re thinking. Let’s jump to ESPN.com. Go ahead, but what purpose are comical stories without comical commentary?

Laugh at these losers. But then cry, since they all earn 100x more money than you!

A headline for Chris Benoit and co. A total waste of text as everyone knew those weirdos were jacked up anyway. Benny is a wrestler, ergo automatic injector. His wife was ugly and butchy, I guess how Benoit likes it. Borderline homosexual perhaps. When a woman has shoulders like a linebacker, then it’s a good bet she was pumped too. As for their kid, a tragic story of daddy-o trying to force something on his son. Like father, like son…. like deceased.

What’s funnier than a human pile-up? A human pile-up caused by an Iams eating canine. What’s funnier than this? The fact he got owned, while Milo was a-okay. What’s even more funny? The fact this news bit was the top Tour de France story today. Who’s the stage winner or overall leader? Who knows. Who cares.

Rugby guys are tough. Strong, speedy and stocky. But missing a key attribute - smarts. My impression of rugby players HAS ALWAYS been that they’re brutes, but among the dumbest sportsters out there. And the tooth found isn’t a jammed incisor from chomping on a pistachio, but rather an opponent’s after clashing heads 3 months earlier.

I always knew football players were one-dimensional on the field, but I never claimed they were like that off the field. Drugs, arrests, murders, steroids….. dogfighting? There’s a new one. What’s next? Who knows, but I’m sure next week will be fun. The NFL’s off-season is always the most exciting one of them all.