25 March 2007
Football Players Equivalent to a Doorstop
Doorstop, noun.
A wedge inserted beneath a door to hold it open at a desired position.
Football Player, noun.
Meathead. Asked by coach to perform one task at a time.
There you go. Two nouns equal in value, importance and intellectual aptitude. Whereas players in other sports utilize their diverse skills in all sorts of situations, football slobs execute their marathon-inducing 7 second play using at most THREE brain cells - one to remember the play, one to execute it and one to flail arms in the air grunting like a Neanderthal. Throw ball, run with ball, block, hold ball for kicker, kick ball. But never any combination.
A rubber doorstop has as many responsibilities
Baseball players hit, run, field, catch, throw, pitch and steal bases in 162 games. Basketball players shoot, pass, block, conduct plays, defend, dribble and dunk in 82 games. Hockey players shoot, pass, take faceoffs, check, fight, block shots, goaltend and skate in 82 games. The key is that these players are expected to contribute offensively and defensively in mostly all facets of the game. Football players are so one-dimensional that they only follow simple tasks either offensively OR defensively.
50 slobs on a team, since 25 can’t handle doing two things at once in 16 weekly games
